Somewhat Silent

Dissociative side effects?

16 Responses to “Dissociative side effects?”

1. mela (User Verified) :
   February 20th, 2007 at 4:07 am

   As a child yes I do believe I became dis associative, kids are cruel and not being able to hear and having kids being cruel made me extremely extroverted. I believe I lived in my world where sound didn’t matter.

   As I matured and accepted that my lack of hearing would not change I realized I had two choices either accept it and cope with it as well as making as many people as possible understand my world or remain in my bubble and get nowhere.

   I have always believed that it is a hearing world where people have no idea how to communicate with the hearing impaired/deaf. I Say this as there are way more hearing people to deaf/hearing impaired. First thing they do is shout, for me the worst thing they can do. I believe its for us to educate the hearing. Yes I know we never asked to be deaf or hearing impaired but we are and have to accept that until we do we will remain angry and bitter at the hearing world. WE can sit and cry ‘why me” none of us know the answer to that.

   I chose to accept my deafness and slowly stepped out my bubble and cope with people one on one and that for me was a big step. Getting a job another huge step and married with children things I never felt I would ever be able to do. I never gave myself enough credit that I could do anything I wanted to within limits. I believe I have made many people what its like in my world and how to speak so I can understand what is being said.

   As for being intimate touching can say a lot more than an intimate whisper. If you wear an in the ear aid or BAHA there is no reason that you cant keep it on. If you wear a Cordelle that could prove difficult then again as I said the power of touch….

2. lette :
   February 21st, 2007 at 7:00 am

   Sanctum, love and intamacy is more than just talking dirty you know!! and also as an artist I do believe our creative side has a means of being stronger on the days we are trapped inside our, ‘Bubble’ I do get days like that where Im distand and im not willing to try and listen, but I dont think thats just because I have a hearing imparment, I think thats EVERYONE!! we all have days where we are quiet and trapped in our own thoughts, thats just being human, but yes I understand what ur saying, I definatly get days where im down over my deafness, but more often than not I try to be happy go lucky, and as for intamacy well, each to our own, but truely from my own experience more often than not it transends words.

3. Sanctum1972 :
   February 21st, 2007 at 12:11 pm

   Lette and Mela,

   I agree with some of what you said and know that it’s not an exciting prospect to be deaf while trying to relate to the real world. And, although, when it comes to the creative side..I try to block any distractions and/or am in a trance drawing ideas down.
   Maybe I’m not experienced enough with intimacy to work around it, despite my age. And oftentimes, I wonder can it still be regained?
   And since we live in our own worlds, the challenge lies in getting hearing people to SEE that we have our own voices and ways to communicate.
   It’s like my mind and soul is an ‘inner sanctum’ and people would have to work harder to earn the priviledge of my trust. In a way, my website is one aspect of that medium to portray my voice and vision.

4. lette :
   February 21st, 2007 at 5:17 pm

   well, Im a hopeless romantic and I truely believe its never too old to learn or try to love be proud and open about who you are, ur unique, in a world full of people, you are the only you so dont be afraid to show people who you are, and dont be afraid to socialise, and if certain people dont want to socialise back, well they simply arnt worth it and one day you will find that special person who will love you for who you are and you will be boled over by the feeling, theres nothing like it, you can eat sleep think without thinking of that person, you will be distracted and you will be a hopeless fool, and its the best feeling in the whole world sanctum, dont ever be afraid to get out there and show people who your are, you are the only one who can make the move, and it will be the best move you will ever have made have faitn in yourself and everyone else will have faith in you too

5. Sanctum1972 :
   February 27th, 2007 at 3:40 pm

   Thanks

6. Susie :
   March 22nd, 2007 at 8:29 pm

   As a hearing woman that is somewhat associated with the deaf on a daily basis (I’m an educational interpreter, and I go to a deaf church) I have to agree with mela about touching

   Words for me are important, yes, but as a part of foreplay. It all happens before IDK about others, but talking can cheapen the mood I think. It all depends…

   As far as disassociating with the hearing world, there are hearing people that want to learn. A big part of hearing culture being stupid and rude to deaf is that they just dont know. Granted, some don’t care, my best friend’s parents are the like, but some do. A lot even. Sometimes I’m sure its a hassle to explain over and over, but sometimes would it be worth it if you found hearing people that maybe couldn’t relate or understand exactly but tried to fix their attitude/actions/etc toward deaf?

   I love deaf culture more than general American culture. I know that hearing people are sometimes the most stuck up, stupid people ever. Most of the time, they’re not meaning to be, I think. I dont know, maybe I’ve said too much, or said it the wrong way, but… Just a thought… I’m not even sure its related that much :-/ Anyhow…
   That’s my 2 cents

7. Susie :
   March 22nd, 2007 at 8:30 pm

   forgot to enable subscribe…. oops!

8. lette :
   March 23rd, 2007 at 10:26 am

   great 2 cents susie cheers for popping in

9. Sanctum1972 :
   March 28th, 2007 at 10:47 am

   Hi Susie,

   I apologize for the latent response and have been very busy preparing and arranging for an apartment which I am expected to move within 2 weeks and acquiring a brand new Blackberry phone this week as an upgrade.

   As I quote you: would it be worth it if you found hearing people that maybe couldn’t relate or understand exactly but tried to fix their attitude/actions/etc toward deaf?

   I don’t expect hearing people (or women in general) to change themselves for me but only to have some genuine effort to take the time and adapt to my hearing-impairment and get to know me. Where I’m at in Vermont, there is not a lot of deaf people in my age range, even females and so I migrate to the hearing women instead due to many years of mainstreaming and being 35 myself, it’s somewhat more challenging.

   I’m trying to ditch my Verizon cellphone and keep the Sprint Blackberry since 99% I communicate is entirely text-based and probably voice calls take up less than 5%. And when I get to my new place, I can finally set up my studio space and do my creative projects and perhaps set up a VP (video phone) by Sorenson..I don’t know yet because I know basic ASL..and am not fluent with it given the oral tradition/education I received.

   Given that nature of living in Vermont, the social scene is a bit weird and sometimes isolating. One shrink suggested I go with cochlear implants to eliminate isolation with the hearing world but I don’t have the money nor do I trust that technology. I’m content with my BTE analog aid…since it gets the job done.

   I just don’t have that much experience when it comes to intimacy with women and don’t know what their definition of that when it comes to bars, etc. I like going to nightclubs on my own or coffeehouses (without the underage punks..cannot stand them)..and enjoy the loud/live music but the downside is…struggling to hear what the women are saying…and oftentimes I have to pull up my skullcap to show them my left hearing aid and say “I’m hard of hearing…could you please repeat that?”…which can be a bit degrading…or embarassing, maybe?
   I just take my sketchbook where-ever I go and draw at bars where I’m a regular at…one thing that annoys me is that my right ear is profoundly deaf (as in ‘gone’)..and if a woman is on my right side and says something….it can get awkward..but on the left side..that’s a different story.

   But sometimes…it does’nt bother them because they’re probably too drunk to take it seriously or not realize it. Fortunately, I have a friend from Cleveland who moved to Vermont to train to be a cop but I’m going to be living 30-40 minutes away from him and we hang once in a while..and he’s hearing (obviously) and used to work with him at Starbucks Coffee (the mermaid can kiss my arse…I want to smack my former manager around for being so stupid enough to fire me last year..I oughta bludgeon him).

   But anyways, at least living in Middlebury where I’ll be going is a good college town south of Burlington. Smaller but nicer…probably a bit too ‘family oriented’. Then again, I don’t know…I haven’t fully explored the area but know parts of it…and I have to be very careful about congregating with college students because I appear 10 years younger (which is true and people are surprised by that).

   I could’nt socialize for the last 4 months due to living in a shelter for homeless people….(long story)..and worked my a$$ off to get my life together back on track.

   Maybe Vermont needs to catch up with me since I’m a hardcore city person from the midwest?

10. lette :
    March 29th, 2007 at 9:49 am

    adam, can i ask how you couldnt afford accommodation and yet you can afford a brand new blackberry?? just wondering because over here they are very very expencive fons??
    im delighted everything is on track with you again

11. Sanctum1972 :
    March 30th, 2007 at 9:25 am

    Lette,

    I got the new Blackberry for $99.00 american dollars under a special program for Deaf/HoH people with Sprint for unlimited email and web access for $29.00 a month instead of forking out $400 some bucks which is a big bargain. The Sprint representative is a local deaf woman and she got me hooked to this deal last year with the 7250 Blackberry and now I have the 8703e version and it’s awesome.

    That’s how I’m able to figure out which is a good bargain and still have some money to get myself a new place…1 more week and I move in there…cannot wait!

12. barakta (User Verified) :
    April 2nd, 2007 at 1:09 pm

    I can see why a Crackberry is useful, especially if accommodation is insecure, as it allows contact by phone if there aren’t readily available hearing people to do phonecalls.

    I spent 8 hours solid on phones to letting agencies looking for a new flat as I’m moving to London in a few weeks. Our relay service was a NIGHTMARE and my email address kept getting mangled. Having a PDA type device they could have phoned me back on would have been really helpful, especially one which didn’t require a dialling prefix!

    I am now going to push for a sidekick III and use of the EU relay service through my work so I have a reliable phone-to-IM connection. It isn’t always helpful, but I lose out on a lot by not being able to take voice calls on the move. My partner has auditory processing issues and a hearie shouldn’t have to do my voice calls.

13. barakta (User Verified) :
    April 2nd, 2007 at 1:12 pm

    Oh and yes, the cost of a line rental is about £12 ($25 or E18 or so) a month and requires a minimum contract which if you’re moving around is difficult. A mobile phone contract moves with you and is often better value for money. I could consider having no landline at all, just a PDA and EU-Relay account which would go to AIM or something similar.

14. Adam :
    April 5th, 2007 at 9:12 pm

    Barakta, yes..the blackberry is nice and it’s nice to have the ability to use IMs..I’ve seen Sidekicks and they’re neat.

    I tried to post on here but it did’nt work before til now.

15. barakta (User Verified) :
    April 6th, 2007 at 11:09 am

    What IMs can you get on the blackberry? Can you browse the web on them? I really shouldn’t letch as I SO can’t afford it.

16. Sanctum1972 (User Verified) :
    April 6th, 2007 at 11:12 am

    Barakta,

    Re: IMs..I can use Yahoo, AOL’s AIM, Googlechat (don’t have that one yet) and have Blackberry Messenger..very convenient!

    Re: web browsing..yes I can…I use the unlimited $29.99 data plan with Sprint…works like a charm for me.

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