Somewhat Silent

Having read most of the posts i found we all agree that being deaf/hearing impaired sucks big time. Having been through so much and having so little support i learn’t ways of doing various things. For example when walking on the street i would always be nervous and started using shop windows to see who was behind me, no one would know that i was not actually window shopping.

Yes I missed out on a lot of things. I was 1 of 5 kids and following conversations at the dinner table was hopeless. My dad was always shouting at me to turn my radio down. I would love to listen to certain shows and would sit with my ear glued to the speaker so i could hear i would even close my bedroom door but my dad still shouted at me. In desperation he gave me a pair of ear phones but i could not use them as they hurt my ears and head too much, that being the result of all the surgeries. I was very lonley and felt totally left out. My younger sister and i got on well we were together pretty much all the time and were very close. We loved to sing i could never catch the words so we would tape them and then she would write them down for me and when my dad was out we would have a good old sing song even though i couldn’t sing to save my life it was good clean fun. I hated it when my dad had visitors i would close myself in my room, i was never comfortable socializing and still dont socialize.

Battling as i did at school I never had the marks to go to varsity or even college to study further so i could get a decent career. Not having the opportunity to improve my education i knew i would have to make do with whatever work i could get. My first job was as a mail sorter at the post office. It was very hard work and lousy pay, but it was a job. My supervisor spoke to the manager asking him to put me in another position as i was wasting my brains. He organized an interview for me and I was perfect for it but being deaf was an issue. The added problem was that most of the jobs involved telephone work and i could not hear on the phones even with all the special extras for the hearing impaired. My dream had always been to work with disabled children. I applied for a position and i got it but i had to be able to drive and what with having blackout from damage done to my ears from all the surgeries i could not drive so that was the end of that. I got a job at an insurance company and loved the job. There were a group of girls who were really bitchy. Oneday i was watching them as they kept looking at me and they were being nasty about me, i lipread what they were saying and later in the day i went up to each one of them and told them what they had said about me. None of them could figure how i knew what they had said. I thought it was really funny. I had to have spinal surgery and after that i could only work 1/2 day but the company would not let me so i had to resign. Getting new jobs was a nightmare as being deaf made it very difficult, most companies wouldn’t employ me because of it and when i did get the job they always said it was on trial to see how the staff coped, it was never a case of how i coped, needless to say i coped very well. Unfortunately my hearing was only one of many of my problem I have always battled with my health which really made life difficult. At one stage i spent a year and a half job hunting i really hated interviews. I got a job at a bank and worked my way up. My last job had a lot of responsibility and needed brains. It was only this job that made me truely believe that i was by no means stupid. My dad did me so much damage constantly telling me i was too stupid to do anything, peopple can be so cruel.

I met my husband and he was so great from the start. My hearing impairment did not bother him in the least. When my eldest son was born i was terrified i wouldn’t hear him cry i would have his pram next to me 24/7. The great part was i never heard him cry at night and hubby has always come to bed really late so he would feed baby and i would sleep no problem. As they ( i have 2 sons) have gotten older they tend to like there music really loud and when their frends come round it gets really noisy so i switch my aid off. Same goes for when our neighbours have parties. The other bonus is hubby snores big time i bet if i had normal hearing we would have been devorced by now. When my boys were still small I showed them how my aid worked and whenever they had friends over they told them i didn’t hear so well and lipread and wore an aid. I always showed them how my aid worked and we never had any problems with them accepting it. We gave my youngest a birthday party when he turned 7 and all his friends came and well it got very confusing hearing what 10 7year olds were saying at the same time. Some of the friends had never been to our house so they did not know i could not follow what they were saying. One little girl informed him on the monday morning that his mommy was stupid and he turned round and told her no she was, i was deaf and read lips so that made me clever. Kids!!!
When we go shopping hubby can be at one end of an aisle and i on the other and i can lipread him. When we go to restuarants and run out of things to say i lipread what other people are talking about. I remember when i was single and lived on my own i lived on the 5th floor of a block of apartments. One of my sisters friends had cousins who were deaf so we communicated very well. Often she would be downstairs on the pavement and i would be on my balcony and she would vocalise what she wanted to say and i would answer it was funny to see peoples reactions.

I have always had pets. As a little girl it was hamsters, then canaries and since i have been married dogs and cats. I have always felt a closeness to my pets i guess its a case of unconditional love. I have also learnt to read them I know if someone is coming by the way they prick up there ears. when someone comes to the front door my maltese barks and comes to me then runs back to the door. All my pets stay by my side its almost as if they know i can’t hear and are protecting me. I have 2 dogs and 2 cats and they follow me all day. I love them all so much.

I found a puppy in the streets one day and no one claimed him even after we had put signs up so i kept him. At the time of finding him it was the middle of winter and freezing outside so we made a close bond, it was also when i had been undergoing the last batch of major ear surgery and could not wear my aid. I was tatolly deaf already by then. He seemed to know i couldn’t hear and became my ears. He would come to me and bark and then run to the door. Once i was able to use my aid again he would come and fetch me if the phone was ringing as i couldn’t hear it. I named him Rupert as he was like a ball of fluff. He was a really awesome dog, loving and affectionate. We only had him about 3 years when he got leukemia and died i was heartbroken. He was my special dog, He kept me safe and was very protective of me.

I have had some very scary experiences too where i believe my animals have protected me. When we lived in Johannesburg we went through a stage when there were burglaries almost every day. One morning i was sick and had stayed home. I was sleeping when the house was broken into. Being deaf I never heard a sound. I woke up and my cat was sitting on me she would’nt let me get up, eventually i managed to move her and as i went through to the kitchen i saw Rupert in front of me blocking my way to the kitchen. (He had been dead for a number of years already). As i came into sight of the kitchen i saw the backdoor had been forced open and our security gate had been bent. Fortunately for me they must have seen me and escaped. I couldnt stop shaking with fright, i couldnt help but think of what might have happened. I believe Rupert is my gaurdian angel and is still watching over me.
I have always had problems with the phone. When i got my aid with the band and the conductor and box aid I had alot of adjusting to do. I found when i went through the security detectors at the entrance of the shops my aid would buzz. We got a speaker phone and for the first time i could actually use the phone. The box from the aid was shiny metal and made for a good mirror. Great to see who is behind you on the bus without you looking nosey. When cell phones came out here and hubby bought one i found my aid picked up the signal when a call was coming in. We would be at the doctor and my aid would start buzzing and without thinking i would say “your phone is going to ring” and when it did the doctors would give me this really strange look as if i was an alien. Hubby and i would get a good laugh. I also did it in the supermarket but it was not intentional i am sure people must have thought me very weird. The worst was in hospital my aid would pick up the signal of the patients in the wards next to me and when you are sick its the last thing you need. By the time cell phones became the thing everyone had I was once again battling to hear and the phone became a nightmare again. Hubby got me a cell phone and i started texting my him or anyone else i needed to contact it was a relief to be able to communicate again.
My B.A.H.A. is the best aid so far, a real dream come true. My only problem is now when i go through security checks my aid picks up the electrical impulses and the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Its really horrible. I have had people ask me how much my cell phone cost (my aid) i have to smile and tell them its not a cell phone its an aid and if it was a cell phone i would never be able to afford it. I must say I have been very lucky as our medical aid payed for my aid otherwise i would never have been able to afford it. These days i can be in the kitchen and i will hear the garden gate open something i have never been able to do before. So many new sounds and such clarity.Now I am fortunate to have the the things to make my life that much easier and the advantage of switching off when and if i please.
So the way i see my being deaf is not all bad I have had some good laughs along the way. I guess its all about how we as individuals react. As a kid it got to me, i was lonely and isolated. But as i got older i learnt to accept it, no it hasn’t been easy and yes there are times when i feel so frustrated i want to scream.

Yeah it sucks but its by no means the end of the world. I realized in my teens that its sheer ignorance that makes people so cruel and i also believe that its for us to put people at ease and show them that yes we are deaf and not stupid. I have found if i laugh at myself when i hear incorrectly and come up with the wrong response people feel more relaxed around me and have no problem repeating themselves. As my hubby says its a hearing world so people have no idea how to interact with us. I feel its for us to educate them, by doing so we are also helping ourselves.

Hi everyone my name is Mela (short for Manuella). I am 46 totally deaf, married with 2 grown teenage boys I live in the Cape in South Africa. I am so happy to have found your site. I have spent the last 2 days reading all the posts and must say you all sound like a lovely group of people. It is so nice to be in a situation whereby we dont need to worry about lipreading, signing or repeating ourselves to be heard. Here we can share things like everyone else without our hearing or lack thereof being a problem.

I want to share my story with you as i am sure you will understand just how i feel. I had constant tonsilitis from the age of 3 and eventually i developed repeated ear infections. In those days the doctors refused point blank to remove ones tonsils. When i was 9 i had my 1st ear op due to acute mastoiditis. This was the beginning of years of repeated surgery for mastoiditis and cholestiatoma. They removed my tonsils when i was 10 but by then the damage to my ears was already done. I received my first hearing aids (ones with ear moulds and fitted behind my ears) when i was 13 and it was an amazing experience. I couldnt believe how noisy it was and still remember saying so to my mother.

Due to having so many operations sometimes 3 a year i would miss alot of school not to mention not being able to hear made school hell. Even though the teachers knew i couldnt hear so well they still walked up and down the aisles reading notes which we had to write down needless to say i had more blank spaces than words. I failed 3 times because of being in hospital so many times and missed so much work. My father kept telling me i was stupid and that hurt. I eventually was in the same grade as my younger sister which was very embaressing but also helped as i would get my notes from her.My mother tried to get me into the deaf school but the nuns at the school turned me down as they said i was not deaf enough and my speach was perfect and if i was to mix with kids who had speech defects from being deaf it would have a negative effect on me. I went to art school in grade 10 but battled and dropped out at the end of that year. I did not have the techniques which were taught in grade 8.
By the time i was 14 I was totally deaf in my right ear and from all the surgeries i had no nerve hearing left and my canal collapsed. I developed an allergy to the plastic tubing that fitted into the ear mould and the top of my ear was constantly raw, i would ease my aid on in the morning and remove it when i went to sleep. The pain was awful sometimes i would wrap a piece of cottonwool around the tubing to give my ear some protection. I remember having one of my ops and because they removed so much bone they were worried my ear canal would collapse so they made me a hard mould and every day twice a day i would have to take it out clean my ear and the mould and put cream on the mould and reinsert it. I had to keep it in 24/7. Every week for 6 weeks i would go back to the audiologist who would make a bigger one. Those days were absolute hell.

Oneday when i was having a check up the professer told my mom he was sure my hearing was worse than we thought and that i was actually lip reading. He said hello but with no vocals and asked me how i was and i answered him. I have been lip reading ever since.
When i was 18 i had a major op on my left ear and the professor told me it was a miracle I should have been dead as the damage and infection had been so bad. I guess its a case of only the good die young. I had new hearing aids every 2 years. I must add that with each op my hearing got worse and worse. Communication became harder and harder I became very introvert.

When i left school and tried to get a job it was a major battle as my hearing was always made to be a huge problem. When i did get work i had to work 100 times harder to prove that my hearing was not the issue but ignorance most certainly was. Unfortunately here in South Africa handicapped people have a very hard time getting jobs. It is only in the last few years that the law states that if we have the qualifications we are entitled to get the job. I remember one interview where the manager told me all about the job and said i was perfect for it BUT my hearing was an issue as he didnt know if his staff would cope with it. I asked him if he had had any problems communicating with me and he said no but still felt it would be a problem. I told him i was very sorry for him as he had a bigger problem than i did and left.

Having my father constantly telling me i was stupid I began to believe i was and by the time I started working I had no self esteem and my self confidence was non existent. My ears settled down for 12 years
In 1984 I developed a very serious ear infection in my left ear, I always had a problem with infections from the moulds they used for the aids, I dont know how many different types they tried but to no avail. Anyway for 18 months i went from ENT to ENT none of whom were prepared to operate as there was a 50% chance i would not make it. Eventually i saw an old professor who had a few patients who he saw at home. He took one look at me and booked me in for surgery the next morning. It took 8 hours to clean up all the infected tissue. I had 4 surgeries to rebuild my inner ear. They used skin from my thighs to make grafts for my canal, if i have hairy ears i will know why. Needless to say that was the end of my nerve hearing. I was fitted with my first bone conducter aid and it was great that i could hear but i got headaches from the band but if it was the only way i could here i would put up with the discomfort.

Last year that aid was no longer strong enough and I was fitted with a BAHA. I have the cordelle 2 it has the box and cord and the bone conductor that fits in the rod. It is the best thing that happened to me. Having the rod inserted was extremely painful but oh so worth it. The sound is so much better, for the first time in my life I can hear people talking in another room, and just generally hear when i am spoken to. Its such a wonderful feeling.

I think I will end here for tonight. Till next time bye.

I~ts that time of year again, this time ill be starting Level one, that is if there are places left on the course, Im late applying this year, so fingers crossed! other than that, enjoy this page of family and relitive signs

Sign Language Notes Week 7:

LHPD= Left hand palm down
RHPD= Right hand palm down
RH= Right Hand
LH= Left hand

Aunt: Right Hand, ‘A’ on the left then right side of mouth

Uncle: RH , ‘U’ on the left then right side of mouth

Cousin: RH, ‘C’ on the left then right side of mouth

Niece: RH, ‘Bent N’ on the left then right side of mouth

Nephew: RH, ‘Straight N’ on the left then right side of mouth

People: Both Palms facing floor, 2 ‘P’ in front of body circled outwards

Place: Both Palms facing floor, 2 ‘P’ in front of body circled outwards into letter ‘L’

Family: 2 ‘F’ on wrist and swivel

Son: Palms facing up 2 ‘S’ on wrist and tap

Daughter: Palms facing up 2 ‘D’ on wrist and tap

Child / Children: Palms facing up 2 ‘C’ on wrist and tap

Husband: LHPD put right hand letter ‘H’ up along ring finger

Wife: LHPD put right hand letter ‘W’ up along ring finger

Engaged: LHPD ‘put on the rock’ on the ring finger *with the right hand use 3 fingers to make a circle shape and tap the ring finger!

Married: LHPD Put on the ring and tap

Divorced: 2 ‘D’ pulled apart from eachother

Alive: Same as live but do twice

Dead: LHPD close RHPD over it, like closing the lid of a coffin!!!! *very morbid I know!

Alone: LH palm facing into your chest, take the right hand index finger, like the letter ‘D’ and pull it down the inside of your left hand (same gesture as the word ‘Day’ but u put ‘D’ down the inside!

Other: With the left hand make letter ‘A’ and with the right hand pull the letter ‘O’ from it

Each: With the left hand make letter ‘A’ and with the right hand pull the letter ‘E’ from it

Great: RH ‘G’ upwards with facial expression

God: LH palm facing into your chest, with right hand take letter ‘A’ down behind the left hand and then up in front of it like a simi circle

Did: letter ‘D’ back over your shoulder

Any: ‘Hitch a lift with you thumb!’

Want : Both hands palms up, ‘W’ take down

Need: Both hands palms up, ‘N’ take down

Now: Both hands palms up, ‘L’ take down

Nice: fan ‘N’ across mouth

Fine: fan ‘F’ across mouth

Funny: RH ‘F’ on your cheek, push out twice

Good: On the opposite shoulder, with your Right hand letter ‘G’

True: On the opposite shoulder, with your Right hand letter ‘T’

Sure: On the opposite shoulder, with your Right hand letter ‘S’

Can: RH ‘N’ stroke down in front of you

Not: RH ‘N’ out from you to the side

Bad: push out baby finger away from you

:)