Going to prenatal care means that a lot of people become oddly interested in certain things that might indicate genetic disorders. ‘were you born deaf?’ I’ve been asked time and time again by various people at the clinic.
I always answer ‘yes’ without thinking. Sometimes I miss a few beats and then I’m like ‘Err. wait a minute, no I wasn’t.’ More frequently though, my husband lets out a sigh and says ‘No you weren’t!’. I wish I could say that it was because I didn’t hear the question. But I did.
‘Were you born deaf?’ It feels like I was. It feels like life began with this particular flavor of silence. Memories of hearing are abstract. Like stories I’ve told myself. I feel much more connection to the me of the future than I do to the little me of the past, who heard for 6 short years. Honestly, I almost feel as if deafness were a “soul swap” for me. As if the child that was me before my deafness said “Okay, your turn”, and I came into this world into a body that had once heard, and that will likely never hear normally again.
That doesn’t bother me. I feel no angst for it. Even when I had lost my hearing, the amount of angst I felt was amazingly low. People that knew me then have often commented on how calm I was. How matter-of-fact I was. And how I was my own advocate from the very beginning.
Was I born deaf? No. I became deaf later in life. And this is the answer that they want to hear, because from there they can ask ‘What was the cause?’ and once they’re told that it was a viral cause, they relax. My child is not at an elevated risk for deafness.
It’s strange being screened in this way. As if the way I’d raise my deaf child would be any different from the way I’d raise my hearing child. Eyes open, ears open, and heart open to the life that the child needs to live. Speaking with any words or signs that are needed to communicate and to reach it’s heart and mind.
Would you raise a deaf child differently from how you’d raise a hearing child?
July 27th, 2006 at 4:57 am
1stly, no I wasnt born deaf, my hearing began to deteriorate from the age of around 7, and 2ndly, It sounds to me like uv accepted ur deafness sara with open arms, and more power to u, I too in the future will morethan likely be almost completely, if not completely deaf, and I too will probably answer yes, to the same question without hesitation!! I see nothing wrong with that, at the end of the day, your deafness has been with you for longer than ur hearing was, so ur body feels most natural to the silent world than in the other.
3rdly, NO, I would most certainly NOT raise my child differently weather it will be hearing or Deaf, that as far as im concerned is almost materialistic, and there is no such things when it comes to loving as well as raising your child, I will, please god, in the future will be a mother, I cant wait
and even if the baby can hear, Ill still probably teach it sign as it grows, it has been proven that babies can sign from the age of 5 months old, and in some cases even younger, and babies usually cant talk till around a year old, so I think giving the baby the oppertunity to communicate with me at the earliest stages possible will only strenghen our bond and the babies intelligence 
If the baby was born Deaf, what would the difference be,? I do believe in the term ‘youll never miss what u never had’, It is obvious that a person born deaf gets on easier than someone who had hearing and then lost it, because they have to learn all over again through sign, lipreading ect, where as a baby born Deaf lives and functions the same as us, only that their chosen language is Sign, not speech, I dont see a vast difference do u??
I do understand that being Deaf from birth can have its difficulties, I dont pretend to be that Nieve, but you understand what im trying to say, I ramble, sorry
but I agree with you, No I wouldnt love treat or raise my hearing child any differently than my Deaf one, and vice versa
July 27th, 2006 at 1:55 pm
I was born deaf, but I get the “You don’t sound deaf” remark a lot. Or people nitpicking about the term ‘deaf’. I find that people tend not to believe that I was a) born deaf, or b) am as ‘deaf’ as I actually am.
It is really only people who live with me, or spend a lot of time with me who notice the cracks in my apparent hearing facade (not intentional). The mishearing things and giving an answer to what I think I’ve heard when it isn’t the actual question. The intense lipreading when I’m tired. My need for time-out without my hearing aid. The fluctuating ability that I have to hear - I have definite good and bad days.
Taken within the context of me not planning to have children, I don’t think I would raise a deaf child differently from a hearing child - mainly because I’d raise any child in many ways like a deaf child.
I would use non-verbal/auditory methods of getting the child’s attention before speaking.
Face the child while speaking, and like in the deaf world use eye contact as a continuance of conversation. Even allowing for childish attention spans, in the deaf world looking away even for a second is ‘rude’ and a sign that full attention is not being paid to the conversation.
I would probably teach my child some sign, and expose them to native signers in an attempt at bilingualism (idealism isn’t it great!)…
We wouldn’t be a telephone household, much like we are now. My child would not be expected to, or indeed permitted to ‘interpret’ for me. If I was on the telephone I would expect people to not interrupt me or distract me in any way - as I would not interrupt or distract someone else on the telephone.
Whatever my child was deaf/hearing/inbetween I would try and bring them up bilingual with speech and sign. If my child was deaf I would seek the support and advice of speech therapy/teachers of the deaf as and when suitable. I would aim for speech/sign not to become a chore, but something which was useful for different situations.
I think my household is pretty much like the deaf world in many ways. We interrupt one another immediately when we don’t hear (instead of waiting politely for the speaker to finish inaudibly) and repeat things without getting pissy about it. Both of those things are important. I would probably have to train my children that this is acceptable at home, but hearing people do it differently outside of the house.
My friends dad was blind, as a result all the children in and visiting the house learned very quickly that all toys had to be put out of the way when they were unsupervised. I don’t ever remember any complaints or whining about it, my friends just did it as a matter of course. If a visitor left things in a dangerous place, someone moved things immediately. I would say a lot of deaf awareness having a deaf parent would work the same way - it would just be normality.
July 28th, 2006 at 5:27 am
Frankly, I don’t know if I could do it. Deafness scares me. A lot. A blind kid I could handle relatively easily, but I don’t really know how to approach deaf children. Deaf adults are relatively easy to be straightforward with, they know what they need and how someone can best help them, I don’t know how to teach that to deaf child.
I mean if I were presented with the situation I’m sure I’d be like every other new parent and figure it out, but I don’t know… Its actually a pretty unsettling thought…
July 28th, 2006 at 10:15 am
well Alli, Id be scared for a blind child!! moreso than a deaf one, but its what we are used to I guess!!
Barakta, I get the, ‘ur deaf?? ur joking right’ all the time, people dont believe me because i have perfect speech and great lipreading, but Keith and my family can see the faults just like urs, like, when I need a break from the aids or people and life in general, like when Im stupit tired my speech goes out the windo and my lipreading sucks, or when they say one thing and I answer something off the wall!!
then outsiders see me talking walking knowing whats going on, and they think its a game, untill they really got to know me!! why would anyone want to pretend??!!
July 29th, 2006 at 1:48 am
BTW: No offense was meant by the “scared to have a deaf child” bit. I was just trying to be honest, I don’t know how it’d work out. I wouldn’t love him/her any less than a ful hearing kid, but it would be very difficult for me.
July 29th, 2006 at 2:30 am
Oh i know alli, but it is what each of us are used to, no worries
because im used to the deafie side of life, id know and understand what my baby is going through, like you with blind, but If I had a blind baby I wouldnt know where to start, I know we wouldnt love our children any less, thats a given 
but we can deal better with what we know is all I ment to say 
July 29th, 2006 at 4:18 pm
I figured you knew that, but I felt the urge to say it anyway.
July 31st, 2006 at 9:43 am
For me deafness is a condition wherein one cannot hear anything
totally. The hard of hearing or the hearing impaired can hear
partially. I was born hearing impaired and the condition got worse
as I grew older. I am thankful none of my three kids was born hearing
impaired. If ever one of them was born hearing impaired I will raise
him just like the other two. But special kids are special kids. They
get extra care, attention and love. As John Wesley’s mother has
said about her children- “I love most the one who is sick until he is
well and the one who is away until he comes back.”
Funny I always believed I am my parents’ favorite.:)
August 9th, 2006 at 10:47 pm
OOPS..I didnot know such a website could ever exist.
August 10th, 2006 at 12:06 am
well, i’ve seen some f’d up spam in my day… but that IS THE STUPIDEST THING ever. is it really taht difficult?
February 9th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Hello- Iwas just browsing…I am h/h..Not deaf…dont ware hearing aids. My 2 sisters are h/h too, my one sister, she is pretty much deaf. WE are all good looking girls. You’d be surprised how good looking…but we have a flaw…People tend to be mean these days, and when they get jealous, they always say one thing;your deaf!..Thats all they can ever say..you would think by looking at me I have got it all…But i have a flaw…we all do!! Nothing is wrong with us…we just cant hear as well in our ears. We have the same heart, blood, and thoughts as hearing people. DO NOT SAY DEAF AND DUMB GO TOGETHER. i WILL HAVE YOU KNOW..Both my sisters graduated from good colleges, and have gotten good grades…WITH NO HELP!..I think hearing people no offense are more dumb than deaf people, less ambitious, and much much more rude. To everyone who makes fun of someone else..your no better..and what comes around goes around
February 10th, 2008 at 3:47 am
Aduriana, I understand your stresses but I cant wholey agree with you, Its not fair to generalise, Not all deaf people are ‘dumb’ and not all Hearing people are either, and theres a difference between the Dumb used in Deaf and Dumb, Dumb meaning ‘can not talk’ the correct term should be deaf Mute, but not all deaf people are mute so its not really used anymore. But there are unfotunatly a ‘minority’ of hearing people who will slag off deaf people and in fairness these are the people in society you should generally stay away from no matter who you are, hearing deaf or otherwise!!!
Welcome to the bloggy all the same