I never realized exactly how much my siblings loved me until I moved out and learned some independence. How to navigate an unfamiliar store and ask questions and engage salespeople in a conversation that fit my needs.
Then, while back for a visit, my brother and sister both brought me to two different stores to shop for things. My sister to a craft store, and my brother to an electronics store.
They had never seen me act very independently before, as I had been a clingy child/teenager, preferring to interact only with the familiar, and have them do my talking for me.
I learned later that they had each watched me communicating with the salesperson, and that they had each been hyper-aware of all the minor transgressions that the salesperson made. Turning away while talking to me, etc. Normal hearie-mistakes.? Nothing that even bothers me so much anymore (unless I’m all emotional and PMSing). I’d redirect the salesperson and politely remind them to look at me while they were talking, and the whole thing would go very smoothly.
But later that night, in a conversation with my mother, I learned that both my sister and my brother had been furious and sad at the fact that I had to perform these minor redirections. They thought that the salesperson was rude as well as ignorant, although they mentioned nothing of that sort to me. They just gave me spontaneous tight hugs after we left the store.
I had never realized exactly how much they loved me, exactly how much? my hearing loss must have bothered them, and how it must have hurt them to have to watch me jump through all the hoops that I found to be commonplace and every-day.
The poor souls never grew the calluses that I had grown.
November 27th, 2005 at 2:28 pm
awww thats lovely, though i see with my brother and younger sister too, with me, very protective and helpfull, but i realise i take it for granted, and never really notice it!
November 28th, 2005 at 2:35 am
Deaf aware siblings. That would be nice. My mum is the most deaf aware of my family which is good because she’s training to be a teacher of the deaf at the moment.
My dad is very difficult for me to hear because he’s so deep and naturally quiet, he and his girlfriend are very bad at getting my attention or giving me a preamble when we visit (usually to fix computers). Interestingly when he is on his own, he is much much better.
My older sister is a bit of a mess, she has no front teeth and has mental health problems which include huge issues with being ‘watched’ which I have to do to lipread her. She tries very hard not to mind me lipreading her and has been improving by being extra audible.
My little sister is the worst. I am currently battling with her to stop her phoning me up. She actually believes that when I don’t ‘hear/understand’ her it is because I am being lazy not because I can’t hear her. I think she finds me incredibly frustrating because I am not apologetic for refusing to use phones (a recentish development) and demanding that people are audible and repeat things for me.
Maybe when my sisters grow up a little? I can but hope, but at 21 and 28 I had hoped they’d have got it by now.
November 28th, 2005 at 7:59 am
Natalya, I’m sorry that your family isn’t very easy to understand. I went through that a lot with my dad when I was younger, he was convinced that I _could_ hear, and was grouchy that I couldn’t lipread him even though I could lipread other people. (I was young, and his face was covered by a beard, and he mumbled because he was embarassed about his teeth. And he’d refuse to repeat himself, becuause it made him embarassed.) Ugh.
My brother is uniquely sensitive to my deafness and goes out of his way–perhaps even more than necessary- to make sure that I can understand him. He’s the one in my family that tries the hardest. He’s a dear sweet guy. My mom is also pretty great about it all, but I can just understand her naturally without even trying. (High voice vs. my brother’s low) My assorted other family members do what they can do, sometimes they’re successful and sometimes they’re not. (ala the older-sister issue. Means well, tries hard, sometimes has issues.)
I wonder why the whole phone thing is so hard for people to grasp. It’s really annoying, it is.
December 1st, 2005 at 10:12 am
I have one older sister, and she helped me the most when we were growing up, more grudgingly than willingly - but the plain fact of it is, I could not be who I am today with my sis, and I feel like I owe that girl a LOT!
When I had no one to play with on the playground (a lot of kids were weirded out by a deaf classmate), my sister would drag me along with her older and cooler friends to the swings, even though I know she was a little embarrassed to have her little sister tagging along. She ALWAYS informed salespeople and the like if they weren’t communicating to me properly, and never failed to fill me in on movies and shows that weren’t captioned. Although I’ve become a pretty independent person, my sister still does little things that mean a lot - if a group of us are at a super noisy bar, she’ll demand we all leave and go to a quieter one for my sake. How’s that for a supportive sister? What a treat.
I feel for those of us who do not have someone like my sister in their life - I can’t imagine growing up without that kind of support. I do have some family members that I feel slightly alienated from because we just can’t talk easily due to their speech habits, eh.
On the phone deal - I wish I could just boycott the whole phone fiasco myself, it’s super stressful and takes a lot of effort. I find myself txting my friends more that actually calling them! Also, at work, I only communicate with my clients thru email - less room for error and miscommuncation.
December 3rd, 2005 at 2:32 pm
I was talking to my mum last night and she was telling me how she found my older sister difficult to hear too, so it’s not just me. There seems to be continual improvement as my sister didn’t get scared/aggressive about being inaudible, but was understanding and nice about it. I hope this continues as it will make my communication with her easier and less stressful.
I am still battling my younger sister several times a week when she sends me an SMS (text message) asking if she can phone, or she whines at me on MSN that she can’t be bothered typing. I’m sticking to my guns and telling her that I won’t answer the phone (I have callerID!). If she does ring, she’ll get the 300bps squeal of the textphone and have to work out how to use the relay service. I think even she would admit that MSN was easier.
In other better news, I have got my mum to use email a bit more. I was given a flaky laptop which I managed to fix enough to make it usable for my mum. I put my wireless card in it and now she can access the Internet from any room in the house where there’s a power outlet. This means I can get her to email me complicated things rather than me relying on hearing her properly on the phone.
Not before time either. Apparently my mum has been talking about one of my older sister’s friends who is called something which sounds like Pash. The same sister has a dog called Patch. I didn’t know until last night that Patch and Pash weren’t both Patch the dog, which might explain some of the confusion we’ve been having. I gave my mother a serious fwapping over not clarifying words which sound the same…
I don’t expect to be able to get my mum onto instant messengers because she’s quite severely dyslexic and tends to come across as completely illiterate and or incoherent in realtime text systems. This might be improvable with training - stick and carrot?
December 3rd, 2005 at 8:27 pm
well the main problem for me is college. any areas where there are old acoustics and high celings, outdoors also cause difficulty.
Tutors are great and help me out with lecture notes in advance and the like, and know to stand well within seeind distance and in well lit areas, i have to say they have been really great about the whole thing. Because actually admitting my hearing difficulty is only a recent thing, im quiet shy about the whole lip reading thing, though i have been doing that since i was 7. i find staring at people can freak them out!! so i tend not to do it a lot! and i missout on loads!
though the majority of people are fine about it, the problem lies with myself alone!!
as with the family, they are great and im so used to them, i find understanding them is ok, my dad talks loud by nature so its great, my mum and little sister talk very soft and i can miss them talking to me, but they are understanding, and will repeat when nessary.
i hardly see my brother, he is always out and about, but he talks with a loud clear voice and his face is full of expressions so its so easy to read him
my boyfriend has a lovely soft voice, i can miss somethings but im just so used to him i pretty much understand him fully
but he understands anyway so he is great about the whole thing 
my main difficulty as i said is in college and around people i dont know. im finding it increasingly hard to use phones too, and i prefer to text, tho if people ring i have to have it on loudspeaker up to my ear, which lacks in privacy!! but its the only way i can make out whats goin on, and even at that the majority of it is guess work
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November 1st, 2006 at 3:43 am
I am one of 5 children. My mom has always been great she has always had loads of patience when talking to me. My dad was Mauritian and had a very heavy french accent and was missing most of his teeth, he unfortunately was a nightmare to lipread and had no patience whatsoever. My eldest brother and younger sister have always been patient. My younger sister was always around to help me out.I was always with her we did pretty much everything together. When we went to the shops she would ask for whatever I wanted as I was always scared I wouldn’t hear what the shopkeeper said. She now lives in the U.K and insits on phoning me from time to time which leaves me feeling very stressed.My other sister and brother just spoke to me when needed, we no longer keep in touch. I was very introvert and hated meeting new people because of the difficulty coping with the lipreading and hearing. School was a nightmare, I had no friends and didnt cope at all well in the classroom. When my dad had visitors I would hide in my room. The telephone was always a nightmare. Once I left school I became more confident and cope very well on my own. I always had problems with work and the telephone. No amount of explaining that I just couldn’t hear on the phone would make the managers accept that my hearing had limits. That although I communicate very well but the phone was just something I could not manage. My hubby has always been great easy to lipread and doesnt mind repeating himself. He is very protective of me and accepts that I dont cope in groups. Before I got a cell phone we had a speaker phone which with time also became stressful due to my hearing deteriorating. Once I got my cell phone we would text each other. Now we chat on the computer. My sons are also great, I think that is most likely because they have grown up with my deafness and lipreading it just came naturally. I remember one time seeing a psycologist and he stuttered well that was the longest, most exhausting half hour of my life. Poor man nothing either of us could do in that situation. Throughout my life I have been in situations where I have missheard someone and often it can be very amusing. I learn’t to laugh in such situations it really helps to have a sense of humour.