Not even her memory belongs to her. The facts of her childhood jog and shift, are worn down like bits of sea glass, the real memories supplanted by stories she has been told, for a deaf girl’s reality is easily manipulated by the parcelers of information.
p. 133, “Train Go Sorry” by Leah Hager Cohen
I do not overhear. I did not pick up information accidentally or absorb it through my skin the way that hearing children did, and do not do this as an adult. The things that I know, I’ve actively sought out or have had parceled out by another person.
Often, I wouldn’t know when we were going somewhere- and I’d rush about confused to prepare for a trip that I’d only been informed of moments before- when everyone around me had known for days but hadn’t thought to actively tell me.
I wouldn’t know what other children were saying about me behind my back–because my interpreter wouldn’t see fit to inform me–or would feel the need to protect me from the things that were said. I’d only find out when one of my friends from a lower grade would tell me what they had overheard many times, and they’d tell it to me in the form of a goodbye. “I can’t hang out with you anymore, Sara.” they’d say. “But why?” I’d ask, and I’d be informed that I was resistant to change the things that I had no idea I should change. Like the fact that I’d hum sometimes- having forgotten that the feeling made a sound.
Often, a friend wouldn’t show up to school. And I’d think that they were home sick for the day. Then weeks would pass, and I’d ask, only to find that they had moved- and the entire class knew, seemingly through osmosis.
I once found out that a boyfriend had been cheating on me–speaking to his lover on the phone while I was in the room. Knowing that I couldn’t hear him. Knowing I wouldn’t overhear any rumors around the town. Maybe even knowing that he could safely hide another women in his apartment and that I wouldn’t hear her shuffling around or leaving behind me as I was slightly occupied. I don’t know. I wasn’t told.
Contrasting, when I go to the inSight Cinema open-captioned showings and am surrounded by Deaf people, if I don’t actively avert my eyes, I ‘overhear’ so many things as my eyes capture bits of visual sound, converting it to words that my lipreading brain fills in blanks and turns into sentences which turn into stories overheard.
One of the things that I sacrifice by living within the hearing community as opposed to the Deaf community is an independent awareness of the human world around me. I know what I am told, and what I actively seek out. But I miss the casual osmosis of human interaction. An osmosis that people take for granted, often resulting in me yelling angrily “HOW COULD I HAVE KNOWN? NOBODY EVER TOLD ME.”
July 22nd, 2005 at 12:32 pm
I hardly go through this but when I am ‘in the dark’, it’s usually family related such as my brother who would’nt say anything or makes an announcement in the last minute via email or move to another house and I’d go “Well, no one told me about that ahead of time”. OR my sister who runs her deli up in Vermont and hardly tells me what’s going on.
Crazy.
July 22nd, 2005 at 2:12 pm
I was referring a little bit more to “things I should have overheard” rather than “things that people who are hundreds of miles away don’t bother to tell me”.
The hundreds-of-miles-away thing doesn’t really bug me. The “in the same room and didn’t bother to even mention it to me” thing does.
July 22nd, 2005 at 3:09 pm
Ah gotcha. Would that experience in the workforce count as well? I think sometimes I get out of the loop when it comes to work in Starbucks but then again, they usually keep me posted..after the fact…weird.
July 23rd, 2005 at 8:27 pm
This one I haven’t had much experience with. But I bet it would get very old. So much of school was “who over heard what”. that was the only way info was passed but most of time you didn’t realize you were getting anything, does that make sense? It just seemed like such a normal thing that explaining it to someone who didn’t experience it would be really hard.
July 24th, 2005 at 6:07 pm
Yes. I get that a lot with general hearing groups - although I don’t spend much time in such circles anymore. Preferring to be an antisocial so and so.
Primary school (ages 4-11) wasn’t so bad because I had good friends, first E who I grew up with. E’s dad was blind so she understood the concept of sensory deprivation, and has always been amazingly perceptive. She says she didn’t consciously ‘look out for me’ but she says we were symbiotic in that she told me stuff and I did all the chatting (talked so much I didn’t have to listen).
Secondary school was a bit harder, not having the friend that I’d had all the time before. I found people strange and I think they thought I was bizarre and therefore a non-person who they could torment. I eventually found a small clutch of fellow freaks and avoided the rest of the school where possible.
University was when I realised how much I depended on people understanding that I cannot hear mumbles, whispers, mutters and other ’sly’ or ‘private’ ways of passing on information. I found that I was never told when X stopped seeing Y and then of course I’d look crass when I asked one how the other was going…
Things improved when I got a mobile phone and could text people. One of my very good friends now is very shy and often finds explaining stuff awkward. I found she was much better able to tell me about some of the issues in her life by text message, so I would have the gist and we could then talk in cryptic terms in public. She hadn’t known me well before I got the phone and says she didn’t realise back then how much I missed out on.
These days when I accidentally put my foot in things because I haven’t ‘heard’ I will apologise for offense caused, but not get myself into a big knot over it. At the end of the day it is not my fault that I didn’t hear, and often it isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s just unfortunate. Most people do seem to forgive me for a genuine mistake and appreciate why it happened.
I see less of friends face to face than I used to because my tolerance to smoke is now zero and I will not fight loud noise to hear people. Life’s too short to make hearing any harder. I see friends when I visit, but a lot of the time I socialise with a small group online. That way there is no ‘overhearing’ and no ‘people missing out’ of content on the main IRC channel that we lurk ok. If you want a private chat you /query someone and you aren’t worrying about being overheard by people around you (although /query ing the wrong person is always a bummer).
I see friends in small groups in real life and that suits me fine. I’d rather spend a weekend with someone in their house or our house than several evenings shouting over the noise of pubs and spending the next n days wheezing because of the smoke. Bring on the no smoking laws and I’ll consider some of the few remaining establishments which aren’t aiming to destroy everyone’s hearing.
Natalya
July 25th, 2005 at 12:28 pm
Well, another issue that I find myself nodding in complete understanding. I’ve made my peace with always being the person out of the ‘loop’ because I cannot casually overhear/eavesdrop on other people’s conversations. Unfortunately, knowledge is power, and we’re not capable of attaining it as easily.
I remember one rustic camping trip with my friends that was particularly hair-pulling: One morning, I woke up only to see that everyone has been up for a while, completely dressed and waiting in the car for me. Not only am I not a morning person, but I was completely confused as to JUST WHAT WAS GOING ON. I grabbed a nearest friend and ask where everyone was going - he replied that everyone had gotten ready to drive into town for breaksfast. Confusion gave way to anger when I thought about how my friends KNOW that I cannot wake up to sound and depend on others to rouse me up and inform me of what they’ve discussed. AND being a girl and all, I really didn’t appreciate having to get cleaned-up and dressed in a matter of minutes - while everone’s waiting for me in the cars. Agh!
But you know what? There’s one big plus side to not being able to access info indirectly… it prevents you from falling to the temptations of being a big gossip who talks about things that you should have not heard in the first place
May 18th, 2006 at 1:17 pm
phentermine…
procedure enroll dissemination?commencements Mongolian!admissible republican,phentermine http://phenterminehclhere.blogspot.com/ …