In college, I took a political science class - probably one of the best academic courses I ever had, being in design school and all. Our professor was an extremely sharp, intelligent older woman - I very much admired her and paid close attention to her thought-provoking lectures on everything from Affirmative Action to the effects of a capitalistic society on a global scale. This was definitely one of those classes where you found yourself going “Huh!” with enlightment many times in the span of an hour.
One day, my professor approached the topic of how our society is divvied up into five distinct classifications: race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, and class. Each and every one of these groups are widely recognized and determines your status/placement in society. As she went on in detail, I found my mind drifting and feeling slightly off - as when you hear something that you don’t quite agree with but you’re searching for the reason.
My hand shot up…
“Yes, Julie?”
“Well, I think there’s a sixth classification that should be mentioned.”
“And what would that be?”
“Shouldn’t people with disabilities be recognized as a classification, since it impacts our lives in society as much as race or religion, etc?”
And I rambled for a little bit on how I felt that disabled people don’t get the respect/recognition that they deserve as a class, and we are treated as the “pink elephants” of the country, so on and so forth.
Well, when I said that, 30 students rubber-necked and stared at me - my whole body flushed with the uncomfortable sensation of 30 pairs of eyes on me. I’m sure they were staring at my hearing equipment and remembering that I indeed have a “disability.” My sense of righteousness was quickly ebbing away into embarrassment. I said no more.
My professor was now thoughtfully looking at me and probably reflecting on what I had so hastily pointed out. She then spoke loudly to the class:
“Would FDR have been elected for president if the country had seen him in a wheelchair?”
I still remember that question to this day.
And the answers.
June 23rd, 2005 at 4:48 pm
There absolutely is a sixth classification. I’ve got more to say on this, but need to think on it some.
June 25th, 2005 at 2:20 pm
Yes..but more of the ‘handicap’ minority..however then again, we have capable limbs except with the ability to hear or process sound/speech.
Which also leads to the art question of Art Directors and deaf creatives…does that put in the bottom of the social ladder of civilization? To them, we must be circus freaks but when we’re really much more than that.
June 26th, 2005 at 12:36 pm
I think that to some degree the “circus freak” thing is something that we project upon ourselves. I know that when I go into something thinking “oh dear, I hope they can accomodate me”, more often than not, I’m not accomodated and am treated as semi-freakish. Whereas if I go into it fully knowing exactly how to structure the interaction, I take control and put people at ease and set the pace/environment. And I’m treated less as a circus freak and more as someone highly capable/etc.
It’s hard, though. Because there’s always going to be situations where people are going to be terribly uncomfortable, and nothing we can say/do will make them more at ease. Those situations truly make me feel like a circus freak.
June 26th, 2005 at 1:47 pm
>
And I wonder what would the Elephant Man say?
June 26th, 2005 at 1:47 pm
I meant to quote you on this: It’s hard, though. Because there’s always going to be situations where people are going to be terribly uncomfortable, and nothing we can say/do will make them more at ease. Those situations truly make me feel like a circus freak.
June 26th, 2005 at 8:34 pm
I know this is always awkward coming from a white male with no disabilities in modern America but I think I speak for all Christians and most intelligent Americans:
I agree with the Prof.
I’ve dated a couple of women with “disabilities” and I’ve been trained/taught/learned at least two things:
1) It’s not a handicap or disability. If anything, it’s helped make them better people, better than most “abilitied” people.
2) If those of us who don’t have “disabilities” treat those who do in any different manner than we would anybody else, we are discriminating and treating them as helpless when it’s usually quite the opposite.
There are a few exceptions and whatnots, but I agree with that Professor.
June 27th, 2005 at 9:30 am
While it may be true that some of us think other treat us differently sometimes, but for the most part I’ve been shown equal respect where-ever I go. But when it comes to graphic design jobs or looking for one, it’s a different thing for me and much harder to show them that regardless of my hearing-impairment, I can do that job. Even lately, it’s more rare to see successful deaf creatives in the field and sometimes make me wonder if I’m going at it alone at my city thinking “Am I the only deaf person going to art galleries, networking and getting into the contemporary/underground art scene?”..and oddly enough, I really am because I have NOT seen one person with a hearing aid go to those events at all.
.
Hopefully that doe’snt change people’s perspective about who I am and what I do and yet I have to find ways to break that barrier. Even though I do know some folks in the arts industry.
It’s as if I’m the only illuminated torch in the darkness going about things.
As for dating..well, I don’t date deaf women because..well..they’re not around here in some capacity and live a world of their own and I’m very much out of the loop of the deaf culture here because of my mainstreamed upbringing after high school. I don’t have time to date but even though I try to get to know people if possible and get out of the house to re-energize my creativity. But that’s another story
It’s just that we have to work harder to get people to understand us but in the same time, trying not to make a huge deal out of our disabilities. It’s like me going into the art gallery, grab some swig, food..walk around and say “hey…great piece up there” and carry on the conversations with artists and folks without mentioning my hearing aid…people are intelligent enough to see that I can speak but yet have to read lips.
But some are’nt until I turn my head around and that’s when they realize something different about me.
I try not to go in there with the “Pink elephant” mentality and be like a chameleon blending into the crowd, if possible.
Like a phantom.
June 27th, 2005 at 1:23 pm
I went on a date last night with this man (no art directors this time, wink wink), and he took me to see Batman Begins at the Imax theater because I had been telling him how much I wanted to see that movie. Well, we’re having a really good time so far until the movie starts - once Bruce or Alfred started throwing out funny one-liners, everyone would laugh but I could feel my date watching me, seeing that I was not laughing at the right moments. He leans over and asks if I can hear the lines, and I said not really but I’m used to it - and he had this appalled look on his face like ‘why are we even here if you can’t enjoy it?’
After the movie, we talked about it and I explained that I may not ‘get’ the audio but I really enjoy the visual aspects of movies in theaters. I even pulled out Sara’s 20/20 analogy (thanx girl) about my hearing aids. But he still seemed to be bothered by it, and worse - feeling sorry for me. I just started dating this man who I really adore, and now I have to go the dreaded motions of explaining away my deafness like I’ve done millions of times in the past - should just type up a script and just read that out loud to guys. sigh
I just get frustrated because SO MANY people are not aware of our challenges - and who could blame them when they’ve never been exposed to someone like us? You see race/religion/sexual orientation issues addressed all the time on TV (the general population’s main source of education) but hardly any on disabled people. Okay, REALLY bad example coming up - but where was the deaf person on Mtv’s Real World? We are the least exposed part of the population, that’s why I call us the “pink elephants.”
Sorry guys, I know I’ve been really bitching lately
June 27th, 2005 at 1:33 pm
So instead of Mtv..it should be Dtv (Deaf TV)? And team up with the Japanese production and create The Deaf Power Rangers..no need to speak but with our hands and arms as we battle the evils of ignorance? You’ve seen how the japanese counterparts would flip their arms around and command their powers into their mecha (robots).
“I’m Dr. Evil..mwahahahah!”
“Evil who? I can’t hear you..you’re gonna have to do better than that!”
“I SAID. I. AM. DOCTOR. EV-”
“We heard you already..it’s just painfully obvious.”, says the cute Pink Ranger in ASL.
Action ensues.
As for Batman Begins..it’s the mood that counts…I think. But still, he should’ve explained the dialogue without wincing at your deafness. I still have yet to see the film though…
June 27th, 2005 at 1:50 pm
lol - Adam, thanks for the good laugh:) shite, if they don’t give you a job as an creative director - we’re all going to miss out big time!
Yeah, he would lean over and repeat the one-liners (which I couldn’t even hear THAT, some serious Surround Sound in those Imax places) but I didn’t have the heart to say so, you know how that is? Not the right moment to get into it?
It’s definitely not like I step into a date and right away I’m talking about all my challenges and ALL the help I’m gonna need - god no. I’m Julie before I’m deaf. But I guess things that are normal for me (like going to $9 movies even though I don’t hear the dialogue) are really new/weird to people who are just getting to know me - they don’t understand why I do what I do. Hence the big moments where I have to stop and explain, and therefore draw attention to my deafness.
big SIGH
What’s it like for you guys when you date a “hearie”?
June 27th, 2005 at 3:28 pm
Julie,
Thanks..I try
. Me as Creative Director? They should! The sooner, the better (evil grin).
.
Re: leaning over and repeat one-liners..I find that irritating..well, when I’m w/ my friends someone would lean over to me and point out some scenes, etc..but nowadays I don’t deal with that much. BUT usually back in the day, my cousin would be the one to do it mostly..irritating.
$9 bucks to see a flick..unfortunate..that’s why I rent DVDs and watch them on my laptop or desktop with headphones on
I try to read lips onscreen and can understand most of the dialogue if not all of it..:/.
Me..date a hearie? err…I have’nt found the time to do that..but oftentimes when I meet hearing women at a nightclub or in public..I don’t mention my deafness..I just let it speak for itself..and not make a deal out of it..but sometimes it’s. . .frustrating when I can’t make out what they’re really saying at a bar/nightclub (I prefer the wine bistro though)..it makes it a challenge for me to come up with something ‘witty’…I avoid coffeehouses if I can since more underagers go there..and I’m 33 and don’t even look the age..not everyone could guess that at all. Amazing.
So, usually I go to art functions like gallery receptions or things like that to check out and network…so far..NO deaf person has been seen let alone I.
I’m kind of like a wolf without the ability to hear amidst the wildnerness..going at it alone in the night scene.
But sometimes during conversations, I would go “I’m sorry? What was that?”.
But if I find the time to date a “hearie”..well..I’ll keep you posted…not sure when that’ll be (shrugs).
June 27th, 2005 at 9:34 pm
Julie?
The gals I dated in the past were also mostly deaf and completely deaf.
More patience than anybody I have ever met, while I learned to sign.
I have this problem that I sign with both hands at the same time.
I mean, I spell out words with both my right and left, the same letters on each hands, it’s like repeating myself.
I’m a dork.
ANYWHO!
WAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back then, we used to “talk” during the movies by putting our hands inside of each others hands in the dark.
We used to practice walking down the street, and she’d spell words and I’d have to try to understand without looking.
I’ve not signed since the late 80’s, but I remember being able to carry on limited conversations and tell jokes in the dark and at the movies.
Maybe I’m just an old man and that was just a “thing” but that would be good for the movies for y’all!
It’s fun
Ok, time for Tye to “shush”…
June 27th, 2005 at 9:53 pm
Yeah..but I don’t sign ASL though..it’s kind of deteriorated due to my mainstreaming over the years…I still remember the basics though..but not all of it..so I kind of hardly use it since I use my voice 99% of the time
.
June 28th, 2005 at 8:11 am
Actually, I’ve never learned ASL due to the fact that my parents where deathly afraid of me being anything but mainstreamed - oh the horror!
Definitely want to learn though.
June 28th, 2005 at 10:07 am
I became deaf at 6 years old. I didn’t wear hearing aids until I was 20. I was invisible. So maybe there are other invisibles, too. And maybe, artsy communities being more “visual”, people are more self conscious about things like hearing aids?
(Not why I didn’t wear ‘em. None of them worked for me. The ones I wear now still don’t really.)
June 28th, 2005 at 10:15 am
Julie,
You live in the United States, right? (just checking. SomewhatSilent seems to be split 50/50 between the USA and Europe at this point.)
You can always ask the guy to come with you to a InSightCinema captioned film if one is showing in your area? Or foreign films? That’s what I tend to do. Or I’ll say “Wanna just rent a DVD? It’s cheaper.”
Sometimes, though, I’ll go to a movie and I’ll sit through it, and it honestly bores me to tears. :p Sometimes I’ll get up in the middle and go to the bathroom just to entertain myself. Hah.
But then, I don’t enjoy the visuals. I want/need/crave the captioning and the audio. (I have a hard time with silent films, even. I’ve become so accustomed to seeking out the captions and feeling irritated when there are none.)
And bitch away. This is a place to vent, to laugh, to think, ponder, and scream about the way hearing people tend to refuse to take our cues about what does and does not bother us.
June 28th, 2005 at 10:20 am
I tend to take lead. “Hi, I’m Sara. I’m deaf. It’s nothing new to me, I’ve been deaf since forever. It’s new, it’s cool, it’s different, it lets me and you experience the world in a way that we’ve never experienced before! Okay. I’m exaggerating. But seriously, man. I’ve done this. I live this. Take my lead, eh? Seriously no big deal.” Then it’s a learning process as they realize that everything they’ve ever assumed about deafness is incorrect, and as they realize that every deaf person that they’ve interacted with before me is not _me_ and that I do things differently and see things differently and hear things differently and that I’m bothered by _very little_ except for what I’m bothered by–which tends to bother me _very much_ and they slowly learn the feeling and texture of my deafness and they fall into a pattern that’s comfortable for both of us, and that’s comfortable in social situations, etc.
It’s not perfect, and it’s not easy, but it’s life. And I’ve found that very few people remain hung up about the whole thing for very long.
Oh. And bringing a notepad to write down the mutual misunderstandings–VERY helpful.
June 28th, 2005 at 10:29 am
L. (fiance) will repeat jokes that he thinks I’d _really_ enjoy. He’ll sort of rest his hand on my arm until I look at him, then he’ll make sure I can see his face before he repeats it. Otherwise he waits for my cue (my looking at him with a “query” expression on my face.)
He’ll also correct the captioning if it’s wrong and the mistake is an important one, or if he sees me making a confused face at the TV.
So I don’t find that irritating. But yeah- the ones that do it while still staring at the screen, and they mumble it really quickly. Those are irritating as hell. Especially when they JAB you in the arm with their finger to do it.
June 28th, 2005 at 10:38 am
Julie, were you born deaf or late-deafened? I’m always interested in how parents make the decisions that they make.
Me- I became deaf at 6, and my mom followed my cues. She took me to a school for the Deaf, and when I said “nuh-uh. I wanna stay with my friends”, she let me stay with my friends. When I rejected an interpreter, she fought for my right to not have an interpreter. When I wanted an interpreter, she then fought for my right to have one. Etc. She was quite cool. When I said “blah” to ASL, she dropped the subject. When I learned ASL, she learned too. (Mostly. It was harder for her since I was learning in school, and she was learning on her own, and I wouldn’t really use it with her.)
I’ve always wondered what she would have done, had I been born deaf. What choices would she have made if I hadn’t already been of the age to be a stubborn little brat?
June 28th, 2005 at 10:50 am
Would’nt ‘glow in the dark’ markers and a flash cue card do in theaters that way you can see what’s going on?
Okay..a bit far fetched though.
Sara…usually it’s helpful to mention your disability and there’s nothing wrong with that approach as long as it is the objective to keep people at ease with your presence. If someone asks about my hearing aid, that’s when I talk about it.
Julie…there are captioned theaters…depends on their availability and demographics. DVDs are usually a good way to watch…
June 28th, 2005 at 10:57 am
Tye, thanks for your input.
I’m assuming you’re hearing? (just curious. 
)
June 28th, 2005 at 11:10 am
*laughs* Funny about the glow-in-the-dark. Maybe an itsy bitsy book light and a notebook?
–
As for the “telling people that I’m deaf”, I don’t tend to have a hard set rule. Sometimes I’ll say “i’m hearing impaired”, sometimes I’ll say “I’m deaf”. Sometimes I’ll say “Sorry, I don’t speak English as a primary language, so could you slow down a bit when you’re talking?”
It depends on what my goal of “telling” is, and what aspects of their speech patterns I need to modify to suit my needs, and what their temperament is.
And “I don’t speak English as a primary language” is true. I don’t. My “primary language” is written English.
June 28th, 2005 at 11:32 am
Yes Ma’am.
June 28th, 2005 at 11:35 am
Itsy Bitsy booklight works even better..just make sure the patrons don’t see it. I recommend the very back seats of the theater…it’s unobtrusive and you can see everything.
Just say you’re from another country and make up the name
Hmm…wonder if I should try that line in the nightclubs?
hmm…
June 28th, 2005 at 12:00 pm
Or instead of moving to the back of the theater, if anyone bothers you, you can just say “Sorry, but I’m deaf.” People are silly and will trip themselves over pity. When I’m exploiting that pity, it (the pity) doesn’t make me angry/sad.
It can be tremendously convenient.
“Sorry lady, we don’t change quarters for patrons who are not members of our bank.” “What? I’m deaf.” “Oh. Nevermind. *gives me the quarters*” and so on.
It’s amazing what people will do to accomodate you when you can’t hear their excuses or anger.
But… I’m not supposed to say that. It’s one of our secrets, eh?
*shuts up*
June 28th, 2005 at 12:17 pm
How many deaf people have you dated? (curious.) Were you otherwise involved in the d/Deaf community? Any insights you can offer into the mysterious mind of the hearies?
June 28th, 2005 at 2:43 pm
I’ve dated 3.
Mostly because of my circle of friends.
Two cheated on me, “typically female” and the other one broke up with me while I was in the Marines.
Two were born deaf (D) and the other one was partial, very partial.
Insights?
Should I add those to your newest post?
“Idiots Guide to Dating the Hearing Abled”!!!
ha ha ha
June 28th, 2005 at 3:30 pm
I was born deaf in 1980 (HoH, whatever I’m supposed to call it) and was served my first pair of hearing aids at 15 months. My parents sent me to a hearing-impaired school for kindergarden - put then pulled me out after they decided that I was more “intelligent” (being sarcastic here) than the other kids, so they demanded that I be placed into regular classes. At that age - I didn’t have a clue so my parents never asked for input.
After that, my parents way of making decisions was simply buying me the best hearing equipment possible and letting me figure out mainstream life on my own - that pretty much sums it up.
June 28th, 2005 at 7:00 pm
Something you reminded me of here…
Years ago, I bought all new TVs when closed captioning came out, and got addicted to the “subtitles”.
My ex used to sit and watch TV with me with no sound, I loved it.
In fact, I’ve not dated, let alone dated a gal who can’t hear, in a billion years and all my TVs are still set on the captioning.
I’m so addicted that I usually have the tv’s on and the volume down.
Wow, way to flash me back, Sara.
December 1st, 2005 at 1:25 pm
im sitting here in asl class supposedly researching my asl paper and im wondering why nobody has posted a comment since like june 28……..anyways start posting again
freddie
December 1st, 2005 at 2:12 pm
Hehe Freddie- actually, there have been comments posted since–some of them as recent as today! But for some reason the timestamp seem to be showing way off on the main page. I’ll have to look into that later!
Thanks for pointing that problem out!