Somewhat Silent

Why aren’t you wearing your hearing aids? You ask, as if I’m walking around in the world with a serious eyesight problem, and refusing to wear glasses- bumping into things as I move about unable to see them.

Because I don’t like the way things sound with them. Because there’s no reprieve. Because sound assaults you from every angle, constantly, and I don’t know how you can live that way. Because I wonder sometimes how you can tolerate ears that don’t have off-switches, and that don’t mute the sound, abstract it, stretch it out into something new and quiet and peaceful.

I take my hearing aids out 90% of the time these days.

I always thought that if there was some kind of cure for my hearing loss, something that would restore my hearing, I’d jump on it.

My hearing aids have made me question that. Audiotory input is distracting, invasive, ugly far more often than it’s beautiful or touching or useful. And with my hearing the way it is, it’s beautiful more often than not, with a music in the wind and a built-in-blocking of the traffic noises or all the things that make life unpleasant.