In 1986 when my daughter Sarah lost her hearing, the doctors tried to push my and her dad to ok a then pretty experimental cochlear implant. Not agreeing with much of anything a doctor has to say, I didn’t think much about it. The doctors began to treat me as if I were a bad mother.
The audiologists, however, let me know that my attitude toward Sarah’s hearing loss was refreshing and frankly nice. Other parents, they told me, would come to them DEMANDING that they somehow “make their child ‘normal’ and ‘perfect’ again!” Sure I hoped Sarah’s hearing would somehow miraculously return, but I never considered that if it did not, my beautful intelligent happy child was now or would ever be less than perfect, whatever that was!
I told the doctors that if they removed the insides from my child’s ears, in upcoming years, should there be suddenly a repair for damaged nerves, she would be out of luck. Back then, the hearing aides only amplified the confusing noises her nerves sent to her brain. It was more frustrating to her than not being able to hear! Ditto for “auditory trainers” which many schools used then in an attempt to get deaf children to speak English.
I read about how in the past, schools would beat children who tried to speak in deaf schools which stressed sign only. There were so many politics in the world of the deaf (Deaf?) that I resolved to just help my daughter do what she wanted to do and leave the rest for her to decide when she became an adult.
I have never been sorry that I didn’t cave into the pleas of the doctors who clearly wanted to use my child as a guinea pig for their own glory.
It would be so nice if all people could be merely accepted as we are, with no attempts to turn us into little clones of eachother. We are all wonderfully different, and that should be celebrated!
June 14th, 2005 at 4:46 pm
I loved reading this post - the last paragraph says it exactly right, it seems to me.
The enthusiasm for Cochlear implants usually comes from parents who are talked into the idea of a “miracle cure” for their child’s deafness. In the case of children who have no useful or aidable hearing at all, they can certainly do great things, but when there is some hearing, my own view - and I can only give my own view - is that leaving the inside of a children’s ears well alone is the best policy. And I have to say that I think your decision one was both loving and sensible. Your post is very moving.
June 15th, 2005 at 12:01 pm
Thank you Nigel! It is always hard making decisions for one’s child. Good to know that someone as wise as you says it was a good thing I did for my wonderful Sara. She has shared your list of writings with me and you are quite prolific!
I will watch for your postings on SomewhatSilent!
June 17th, 2005 at 5:35 am
I don’t know about “wise” - but thanks
And the person it really matters to clearly thinks you made exactly the right decision too. She’s a lucky daughter.
June 17th, 2005 at 12:02 pm
Hey Hohprof,
I am the lucky one that she chose to be born to me!
I look forward to more of your posts on this site and I’m glad you found it!
Donna